Last Sunday, I called up Dave to see if he wanted to head over to the 2nd Annual Chili Cookoff over in West Chester. We set out a bit too early, but that gave us time to contact Ken, who decided to join us.
The deal was pretty sweet: Ten bucks gets you a wristband that entitles you to all you can eat from any of the booths that provided chili. This was a better deal than last year, where you only got to sample ten chilis for a fixed price.
The chili booths opened for business at staggered times, so we had to wait for each to open before we could sample. Walking up and down the street tasting different chili, we came to an early conclusion: None of these people know what they’re doing.
I guess that’s the fundamental interest in chili. What is it? Some purists say that chili has no beans. Others (crazies!) say that it has no meat. Some people think it supposed to be soupy in texture, but others make theirs gloppy. Chunks of beef, ground beef, or turkey? Who knows?!
There was a ton of chili, most of it was pretty bad. I think we agreed that Fred Beans Ford had the best beans in their chili. It was mostly beans. But it’s a good sales pitch on their name.
They had a couple of acts with music. At one end of the street, WMGK played stuff from their van. It wasn’t a live broadcast from the cookoff, which is probably why it wasn’t drawing a crowd. I would have expected a country station instead of classic rock.
In the middle of the cookoff they had some kind of crazy string band. They were a pretty good toe-tapping band.
There were a couple of booths with people that dressed up and decorated tents. One place had pirate outfits. Their chili was bad. Next to them, they were giving out chili that Ken didn’t find out until too late was named “Pumpkin Chili”. Yeah, it’s just what you think.
After tasting so much chili, Ken and I just decided to follow Dave around and wait until he didn’t make the “icky” face that he always made upon encountering bad chili. This turned out to be a good policy, and probably saved us a lot of heartburn.
There was a Snake Bite Chili that was simply awful. The similarity in taste to an ash tray was uncanny. We passed one place that was offering meatless chili. What the heck is that? It’s an oxymoron, I tell you!
Nearby that booth was one set up by a local school that had the worst chili ever. It had all of the texture of pureed turkey in soup, and absolutely no flavor. I can’t even say it was like licking cardboard because it was entirely devoid of flavor. Ken had a sampling of their second chili, which looked like stew - including carrots and mushrooms - and said that it didn’t taste like anything either. They must have had their cafeteria workers making the chili. Ew.
Also making itself present was ACT, Americans Coming Together. A guy stopped us in the street to ask us if we’d be willing to volunteer on election day. I asked him what we would do, and he said that we’d be going to businesses and making sure people were going to vote. Well, I’d had my fill of door-to-door business sales the day that I got carted off to Bethlehem to sell wall art (it’s a long story), and when Dave said, “Why would I do that? I’m a Republican,” I just kind of let it go so we could walk away.
But there were signs for Kerry everywhere, and the Bush people must’ve gotten angry because they started making up posters on their own with markers about killing babies. Not sure what that was all about, because I was too busy eating chili.
The winner of the people’s choice contest was the booth that put a mask up in front of their wooden nickel collection bowl. See, when you buy your wristband, you get a wooden nickel. When you’re through tasting the chili, you deposit the nickel into the bucket (supplied by the West Chester Rotary, organizer of the chili cookoff) to vote for that chili as your favorite. It’s a pretty ingenious way to do it, really. Except that when someone says, “Feed your wooden nickel to our mask,” you’re inclined to play along. Too bad. Their chili wasn’t good either.
Anyhow, Dave voted for the Angry Couple’s chili. They were independents, not affiliated with a local business or restaurant. I’m not sure who Ken voted for, but I dropped my nickel at the Legacy Financial Partners. Their chili tasted like chili that I could actually eat as a meal. The rest of the booths had chili that was just too over the top or plain no good.
I look forward to next year’s competition. Dave mumbled something about making his own chili, and I think that would be fun.
