This is the bit that I have to have memorized for tomorrow’s soliloquy testing.
Hi, Anne? It's Harry. That's right, Harry! I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me on Friday night. Catch a movie? You would? That's great. I'll pick you up at seven, babe. Bye!Now. All I have to do is actually dial her number, and I’ll have this down pat. Although… I’ve asked out the dial tone so many times, maybe she’ll go out with me.
‘Hi Everyone! This is my date – The Dialtone.’
Okay, I can do this. I’ll just take some deep breaths, pick up the phone, and call her. It’s just a phone! It’s easy. Millions of guys do it every day. I mean, the population would seriously decrease if guys didn’t ask girls out on dates. Or vice versa. Oh jeez, I could get into trouble over that. What if she thinks I’m some kind of sexist pig because I want to ask her out on a date?
I’m too old for this.
At least I don’t have to see her face when she rejects me. This way, she can politely turn me down, we can both hang up, and I can quietly bang the receiver against my head all night.
Pick up the phone. Pick up the phone. AAaarrrrg!
What’s the worst she could say? She could say, “no.” Would that be so bad? It would be so bad. It would ruin my very existence. What little existence I have, it would ruin it completely.
Okay. Maybe some pushups. I’ll do some pushups and get some blood running to my head. Yeah.
Anne, will you go out with me? If you need some convincing, just feel my manly arms. I do a hundred pushups every day! Or maybe two.
Enough, enough, enough.
It’s probably busy. That would make it easy. Yeah, it’s busy. She’s probably not even home. I could leave a message. I don’t even have to talk to her. I have nothing to worry about!
I’m picking up the phone. I’m dialling her number. I’m… Oh my God, it’s ringing!
Note that during this scene, I actually do two pushups, and end it by hanging up the phone and shirking away from it.
